Blaming other people or your circumstances can make a person feel better FOR THE SHORT TERM ONLY!
There is a lot of advice about how the blame game can cripple you. I agree with most of it. Being stuck in ‘blame mode’ can be quite toxic to your wellbeing. That being, said I would also like to explore why blame can be such an attraction. It would be naive on my part if I would believe that I can ‘cure’ someone that’s stuck in the blame mode simply by shouting anti-blame slogans at them!
Excuse me as I talk about something that’s seemingly unrelated. I promise that I’ll quickly show how this connects to the blame issue. I asks for patience. (that can be a very big ask for someone that has been ‘kicked around’ by life)
If you were to manufacture sheet metal discs, (as shown in the pic) you also create a byproduct. If 100 discs are fabricated then so are 100 holes. The byproduct in the ‘blame game’ is what’s so toxic. This is what’s so confusing in a debate about blame. You can be 100% certain that blame is legit. This may even be correct! THIS PERSON DID YOU WRONG! THEY ARE AT FAULT! If I were to dismiss this fact and come across as condescending and invalidate this hurtful situation, then the only thing that I’m doing is making an enemy!
The problem comes into the debate because we think that we’re talking about the same thing but we’re actually talking about two different things! You can be focusing on the 100 discs but I’m focusing on the 100 holes!
YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT THE DISCS! This argument may be quite valid.
I’M TALKING ABOUT THE HOLES. Regurgitating these thoughts over and over again can be quite toxic.
We’ve all heard of the busy parking lot scenario. It’s about believing that a parking place will open up for you if you think about it long and hard enough. Some people believe in this. If you think about a parking place for 5 years, I can’t guaranty that one will miraculously open up for you. However, if you believe that your life sucks and you spend 5 years thinking about it, I GUARANTY THAT YOUR LIFE WILL SUCK!
Some people spend 10 years pondering with the thought, “I’m a victim”. They then continually attract victim situations to themselves! It’s true that not all problems are self attracted. Many difficult times happen regardless of your thinking. However a person with a compulsive, ‘woe is me’ attitude is a lighting rod for problems!
Once you ‘decide’ that the world is against you, it is.
In the last few decades the belief in ‘What you think about, you will get more of it’ is becoming common knowledge. This concept has mostly focused on the positive. The more emotional you can get and the longer you can keep the image in your mind, the more likely that you will achieve that which you conceive.
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
However it’s equally true about negative. It’s so much easier to fill your head with these thoughts. For some people it comes naturally and they can get very emotional about it. Not all ponder for 5 years about how much their life sucks. That’s just an example. There are many other types of affirmations that can work against us.
Controlling your thoughts isn’t easy. However it’s worth the effort to do so. There is a wealth of advice online and in books about why it’s important. However it isn’t easy to find practical information about how to ‘tame’ the self talk. That’s why I made this blog. I want to tell you how to do so. However in order to learn how, you must first know the basics of how thought works.
On this blog, I talk about the brain, how it works, and why it can become uncontrollable at times. I also talk about automatic programs. (non thinking) The thought, ‘It’s hopeless’ is an example of an automatic thought. Automatic thoughts can grow uncontrollably just the same as the automatic regulations can become as I explained on my bureaucracy pages. They too can take over like an aggressive cancer.
Blame can be pointed at a person or a situation. Perhaps you’re in a truly terrible spot. Escaping it may in fact be impossible! However by making the ‘byproduct’ and saying, eating, sleeping, dreaming and being consumed by the affirmation, “Escape is impossible”, YOU ARE MAKING CERTAIN THAT ESCAPE IS IMPOSSIBLE! Perhaps it already was but you’re still making an already dark situation even darker!
As I said, controlling your thoughts thoughts isn’t easy but it’s worth the effort. That’s why I urge you to read the other pages of this blog as well.